Nothing Precious At All

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This story was originally published on the now defunct



July 21

The summer holidays are already boring. It’s too hot so all Sophie, Hayley, Frankie, Emma, Louise and I did was sit in the park and complain. Francesca complained mostly. Francesca is gorgeous and she complains that she has no ankles.

The skin on Francesca’s nose doesn’t peel when it’s hot like mine does. Francesca doesn’t have small breasts. Francesca has a flat stomach. Francesca doesn’t have greasy hair and a hooked nose.

Francesca is gorgeous and has a boyfriend but I had to listen to Francesca complain about how ugly she is.


July 22

Today it was just me and Sophie hanging out so there was a lot less complaining. Louise and Emma couldn’t make it. Frankie was on a date with her older boyfriend. He is too old. Hayley was with her boyfriend who she said she wasn’t with last week when she cheated on him. Everyone laughed at the time except me, they probably think I’m frigid.

Sophie is my best friend in the group. She tells me stories about how her older sister who is at University goes to Kos and Zante all the time and meets loads of hot guys. She tells me it’s OK because they’re all English. I wondered why English girls and boys have to go all the way to Zante or Kos to have sex with each other.

She said we should go to Kos because in Kos no one gets IDed but in Ibiza they always check your ID.

Sophie asked me have I ever had sex. I lied and said yes. Then I had to carry on lying so I said I slept with two boys. I’m nearly 17 and two boys doesn’t make me sound frigid or like a slut and I think everyone else has had sex with their boyfriends but I’m not sure about Sophie. She asked when it happened so I lied and said on holiday with my parents in Devon last year and one time when my brother had a party at home.

I didn’t ask Sophie the same question because I didn’t want to swap a lie for the truth.


July 23

It was cloudy today. My brother asked me if I wanted to go rock climbing. We went for two hours on the indoor wall. He said he wants to be a professional rock climber. He’s good enough.  

I caught a reflection of myself in the huge glass windows at the sports centre and I thought I looked like a lanky boy in my climbing gear. No wonder I don’t have a boyfriend. When I got home mum told me that Sophie called. I told my mum that this is why I need a mobile phone.  She started lecturing me. I rang Sophie back but she didn’t answer. It went to her answer phone and instead of an answer message she had recorded Stop Crying Your Heart Out.


July 24

Sophie rang back early in the morning. She said she was working last night. She asked me to meet her at Costa in town.


July 25

I stayed over at Sophie’s last night. When I got home today mum lectured me again, this time for not calling. I said this is why I should have a mobile phone but that made the lecture worse.  

Last night Sophie told me about the game she wants to play. She said her older sister played it with her friends when they were bored over one holiday. But only Sophie and I are going to play it. The other girls won’t know about it.

The game is called First to 20 Points. The first person to get 20 points wins. Or the person with most points when we get to the end of summer wins. It’s 2 points for sleeping with someone for the first time. It’s 1 point for sleeping with someone you’ve slept with before. It’s half a point if a guy goes down on you or if you give him a blow-job. I’m probably going to lose but it sounded like fun and I didn’t want to look frigid so I agreed.

I spent the rest of the day sunbathing in the back garden and wondering what it feels like to have sex.

This summer feels hotter and slower than last summer.  


July 26

Today I had to go out with my family so I couldn’t go to the party that Emma was having. Sophie called later in the evening and said that she got one point last night. She saw the boy that she said she lost her virginity with three weeks ago and slept with him again. She told me that tomorrow there is another party that Hayley’s boyfriend is throwing and that there should be lots of boys there. Everyone is meeting up at Costa at 3pm tomorrow and doing a bit of shopping before the party.


July 27

Today was really hot. By nine-o’clock I was lying on the lawn sunbathing in my bikini trying to be less white for the party.

We met in the cafe as we agreed at 3 and then went shopping. Francesca was complaining again. This time she was saying she couldn’t find any bikini that was going to fit her. He older boyfriend is taking her on a little weekend to South France completely out of the blue. All she can do is complain about it.

I don’t know any French.

I don’t have time to do any shopping.

I haven’t got a bikini.

I feel fat.

Everyone else was trying to be sympathetic with her. Was I the only one that was bored of it? I want to be surprised by a boyfriend with a spontaneous holiday. I hate Francesca. She doesn’t know what she has got going for her.

Emma made a joke about Hayley giving a boy a blow-job at Emma’s party last night. Hayley got angry and warned everyone not to talk about it tonight at her boyfriend’s party.

I think puberty and boys are turning some of my friends into selfish strangers. Sophie didn’t laugh. Maybe she felt the same as me. Or maybe I’m frigid and everyone cheats on their boyfriend these days and a blow-job is only half a point anyway.

The party was really boyish and until we got there, there were only two girls there. All the boys were playing computer games and the music was some sort of niche techno. The music changed as the boys became more aware of us. Or perhaps Hayley’s boyfriend chilled out after she gave him a blow-job in the bathroom.

Hayley has one point in two days and she’s not even playing the game.

Sophie started talking to two boys that she recognised from the time we got into the Zoobar. She dragged me over and introduced me. One of the guys was called Andy and the one who I was supposed to talk to was called Luke.  Both the boys were a couple of years older than us. Luke was taller than me , which immediately made him more attractive. He had a blond mop of hair, a small face with high cheekbones, blond stubble, and blue eyes. I didn’t know what to talk about at first. I’m not very good at speaking to people who I don’t know – especially boys. People think I’m being rude but really I’m just nervous.

Luke was natural and easy. He kept the drink in my hand topped up. Before I knew it we were talking really openly. I was telling him things about me that I have never told a boy before. I thought he would find the things I was telling him boring but he seemed really interested and kept asking me more questions about the A-Levels I had chosen and what I wanted to do for a career. I told him that Maths was just a back-up and I wanted to work in the music industry discovering new bands. He was the first person I have ever told this to.  

Luke had taken a year out after his second year of A-Level and was working in a bar this summer but also performing in bars with his band. He said they do a mixture of covers and their own work. I asked if they do any Stereophonics and he said yes, Maybe Tomorrow was his favourite to perform. Maybe Tomorrow is one of mine and Sophie’s favourite songs. Luke was kind and confident and I liked him much more than Andy who was loud and needy; always talking about drugs and being fucked-up.

Andy and Sophie went back into the living room to play a drinking game. Luke took my hand and we went in to the huge back garden. It was really warm but there was a breeze that stopped the heat from being uncomfortable. Luke brought a few cans of beer into the garden. He led me to a couple of sun loungers that were hidden behind a wall covered in ivory.

We carried on chatting about music and films and how there is nothing to do over the summer. He liked having nothing to do because it allowed him to mess around with the band all of the time. He said I should enjoy and learn to relax. He was right I don’t know how to relax and I’m always worrying about the future. Then he kissed me.

He started sliding his hands up my dress and I suddenly became aware of how wet I was and I got embarrassed. He didn’t seem to care and just started touching me between my legs. Then he pushed my knickers to the side and carried on touching me.

I didn’t know when I was supposed to start touching him or how I wa supposed to do it. Everything was kind of blurred and hot. Before I knew it his pants were off and my knickers were on the ground next to the lounger.

It didn’t hurt as much I thought it would. It made me wonder if some of my friends have really done it at all as they all said it really hurt the first time.

When I went back into the house Louise, Francesca, Emma and some boys were playing a drinking game in the front room. They were watching Almost Famous and every time they saw a guitar on the screen they had to have a drink.

The film was on mute and Black Cherry by Goldfrapp was playing on the stereo. The juxtaposition was strange and warm. Everyone seemed happy.  I asked where Sophie and Hayley were. Emma said they were upstairs so I just sat down and watched the film on mute.

Now I have two points. I am no longer a virgin.


July 28

Today Sophie rang me and said that last night all that happened was she smoked a bong, was sick and fell asleep. I told her that I got two points. We giggled a lot and she told me that means I’m winning. She said that she was going to the cinema with a guy from work tonight and that I should come because there is another guy so it could be a double-date. I spent the rest of the day laying on the lawn listening to Moby, working on on my tan, snoozing and having strange dreams about sex. One dream was about getting pregnant by the arrogant guy called Andy at the party but when the baby was born Sophie insisted it was hers and killed it accidentally by grabbing it from me.

After a lot of thought I decide on a knee high skirt and a t-shirt for the cinema. My date, Reid, was quite good looking. He had a really handsome manly face and was just a bit too skinny. We went to see School of Rock with Jack Black in it. The cinema was dead. We sat at the back but before the film had even started Sophie and her date, George, had a fight about something that had happened at work. They left the theatre to talk about it outside. Reid showed me a text on his phone from George: SOPHIE IS ILL. TAKING HER HOME. CAN YOU TAKE HER FRIEND HOME? Reid asked if I still wanted to watch the movie or leave now. He was really nice and funny so I said I wanted to stay.

After an hour of the movie Jack Black was in full flow and my hand was on the inside of Reid’s thigh. Whenever Reid laughed or moved slightly his hard-on brushed my hand. Reid’s hand was pretty far up my leg and I wanted it to go further.  I pushed his hand up my skirt and let him touch me while I rubbed his erection.

Everything felt horny and warm in the cinema. His finger felt really nice inside me and he was really gentle. I told him I wanted to give him a blow-job but that I’ve never done it before. He smiled and said just have a go and watch the teeth.

I got half a point.

When I got home I tried to ring Sophie to tell her what happened but her mobile went straight to Stop Crying Your Heart Out.


2nd August

Mum didn’t give me my journal back for five days. She found out about Sophie’s ectopic pregnancy from Sophie’s mum. Both the mum’s went into crisis mode. Mum stole my journal while I was at the hospital with Sophie and showed it to Sophie’s mum. She lectured me and said I was being irresponsible playing the 20 points game. I didn’t bother to point out that the conception must have happened before the stupid contest started. She grounded me and wouldn’t even let me go to see Sophie again to see if she was alright.

I already felt stupid, immature and ashamed. I was worried sick about Sophie and I cried every night. All mum cares about was what it looks like to the other parents. Fuck off mum.

Even though they weren’t allowed to, Frankie, Emma and Hayley came around while my parents were at work. I told them everything that had happened. Emma and Haley didn’t say much and tried to make a couple of jokes about it that made me sick.

Francesca, the self-centred bitch, couldn’t do anything except pull the conversation back to her. All she spoke about was how she always made her boyfriend wear a condom and he was always asking if he could try it without. Who cares?

I zoned out. I felt disgusted and alone without Sophie. Eventually they went home and I napped through a thunderstorm. I had a dream that every time I had sex one of my friends had a baby. But none of them could look after their babies so I had to try and save them but they wouldn’t let me help. They just kept screaming – “It’s my baby, it’s my life, I can do what I want”.

When my parents came home my Dad gave me a mobile phone and said I always had to keep it on me when I was out.

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